I hate examinations and I am not studying. I think about the Manson Family, Marilyn Monroe’s legacy, witchcraft rituals taking place in South Africa but I do not contemplate work. I think there is something truly diagnosable about me. I’ve never met anyone else who doesn’t give less of a shit. I guess I’ve honed a talent all this time. I want it all but I just can't figure out nothing.
This is for Ju who insisted that I provide a semblance of an update of what I do since this is (apparently) what blogs are all about. I told him about the magick of facebook but he's not buying it not even when I told him about the sharks.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."
Neil Gaiman is so good. After the examinations, I'm heading someplace quiet with The Lovely Bones and reading an afternoon away. And going kite-flying and whale-watching and gooseberry-picking.
This is for Ju who insisted that I provide a semblance of an update of what I do since this is (apparently) what blogs are all about. I told him about the magick of facebook but he's not buying it not even when I told him about the sharks.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."
Neil Gaiman is so good. After the examinations, I'm heading someplace quiet with The Lovely Bones and reading an afternoon away. And going kite-flying and whale-watching and gooseberry-picking.
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3 comments | Footloose + Fancyfree
